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Why Every Social Media Manager Should be a Grizzly Bear

Posted 27 July, 2012


This week a student named Cathryn Sloane beat the social media hive with a stick by declaring that young people make better social media managers than older, more experienced people.

Young people grew up with social media, she said, so youngsters are better able to "grasp an understanding" of social networking.

No one else will ever be able to have as clear an understanding of these services, no matter how much they may think they do.


That was a sentence.

Yes, Cathryn Sloan wrote it.

And yes, despite their genuine effort to think, people over the age of 25 are naturally slower learners than their under-25 counterparts because nothing teaches better than organic childhood experiences.

This. Is. Absolutely true.

Wait for it...

If by “true” you mean “fucking stupid”.

If spending your teenage years playing with social media makes you a social media manager, then go ahead and call me a urologist.


“Go away, mom, I’m studying medicine!”


But oh boy, were people angry.

The social media old-timers responded with as much hatred as if Ms. Sloane had cancelled bingo night at the Reagan museum. Not only was she saying that young people make better social media managers, but also that old people -- like -- totally don’t get it.

One commenter was so pissed that he asked the Earth to stop spinning so he could step off.


Then the blog's managing editors stepped in and reminded everyone that mistaking Ms. Sloane's opinion for the blog's opinion was a "misunderstanding".

Double whoa.


“I swear, officer, I was only holding the blog for a friend!”

Settle down and face the facts

The truth is, we're all guilty here.

Personally, I would never besmirch someone for simply having an opinion. Lots of people have opinions -- Gandhi had opinions.

Isaac Newton was perhaps best known for having opinions about apples.

I, myself, am of the opinion that bears are descended from owls.

We live in an opinion-rich world, and it’s simply not right to attack a person for having one of her own -- even if it’s stupid.

Perhaps especially if it’s stupid.

I mean, how would we know a good idea without something stupid to compare it to?

Would Beethoven's 5th really be significant without Call Me Maybe?


Carly Rae Jepsen -- contributor to the arts.


Fortunately, being the age of 25.6, I feel that I am especially qualified to mediate this situation.

I mean, it’s one of the few things I’m qualified to do anymore, since those extra 6 months have pretty much killed my social media prospects.

But standing on the knife’s edge between “young enough to understand social media” and “final gasping death-rattle”, I should be able to offer some perspective on both sides of the issue.

My advice for the young

Old people are upset mainly because they live in a world that confuses and terrifies them. Back in their day, social media was nothing more than a Bell switch board.

And now you're just gonna give a 35-year-old a Twitter account and expect him to magically manage social media?


You’d be lucky if he lasts five minutes without filling his adult diaper.

My point is you should show a little sympathy for these "more experienced" social media managers.

They may seem irate and senile at times, but they really just want to let you know that you’re a nice young man, and you can come by and visit any time.

And for you older ones

Face it. The younger generation is here. And they’re better than you.

Social media is their life.

And whereas you’ve seen social media replace your social life, these young people never had one in the first place.

So try to understand why they’re upset. Despite a childhood of qualification-building time-wasting, they still have to acquire work experience before they get put in charge of things.

Which is totally unfair.

My point is you should show a little sympathy… or one day they’ll leave you at a home.

After all, it’s not really about age: it’s about talent, maturity, education and honest business practices. If you hire someone just because they’re under the age of 25, then you might as well just hire a grizzly bear.


Thanks for reading! Remember to click Like and Share, or just send some Haight Mail to your friends. Updated each and every week. And yes... it is satire. Mostly.

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