Post Planner Logo Color Post Planner Menu Icon Post Planner Facebook Icon Post Planner Google+ Icon Post Planner LinkedIn Icon Post Planner Pinterest Icon Post Planner Twitter Icon Post Planner YouTube Icon Post Planner RSS Icon Post Planner Instagram Icon Post Planner Find Icon Post Planner Predict Icon Post Planner Plan Icon Post Planner Post Icon Post Planner Arrow Left Icon Post Planner Arrow Right Icon Post Planner Check Icon Post Planner Search Icon Post Planner Arrow Down Icon Post Planner Comment Icon Post Planner Support Icon Post Planner Cancel Icon Post Planner User Guide Icon Post Planner Switch Plans Icon Post Planner Close Icon
Get started now
Back to blog

Zuckerberg Charging $100 to Send Him Emails He Never Opens

Zuckerberg Charging $100 to Send Him Emails He Never Opens

Zuckerberg_Charging_100_to_Send_Him_Emails_He_Never_Openszuckerberg-moneyWe've all been there before:

Stalking an ex on a Tuesday night -- drunk, writing a tearful Facebook message -- then deciding it comes on way too strong and settling instead on a solid "sup".

We know it will end up in her "Other" box -- but we write it anyway. Except this time, hold on...

send-to-inbox

FINALLY!

Facebook is now allowing users to pay to send messages to people who would otherwise want nothing to do with them -- Mark Zuckerberg, Mila Kunis, Obama, you name it.

The catch: the more popular the recipient, the higher the price.

Up until now, Facebook merely had an "Other" mailbox for undesirables, which was the email equivalent of casting your message into a black hole.

Now anyone with enough cash can pay to be ignored.

 

pay to message zuckerberg What poor old Granny Zuckerberg sees.

 

"This policy may seem like an arbitrary grab for cash," said lead Facebook strategist Susan Winterman, "but I can assure you -- this time it isn't.

"Just think of it as a postage stamp -- or maybe a tax on being unpopular."

Smart Decisions

The move has been lauded by Wall Street analysts as a creative way for Facebook to fill in revenue gaps.

"What we realized is we have this huge untapped potential of lonely, depressed users who are dying to get the attention of that famous person whose movie they've seen a hundred times," Winterman continued.

"We expect to make billions off Robert Pattinson fangirls alone."

 

pattinson Beautiful man-gold.

 

Do What Works

The new feature was modeled after a very successful policy adopted at Facebook headquarters early last year.

"In an effort to improve worker morale and cut down on complaints," said Matt Stewart, head of human resources, "Zuckerberg began charging dissatisfied employees a listening tithe for approaching the throne."

Morale improved overnight.

"And once we added the mote and opened it up for swimming, complaints dropped by 95%." Stewart added. "It was only a matter of time before we started applying these policies to Facebook as a whole."

The Street reacts

Detractors have pointed out apparent shortcomings with the system. For example, even if you pay Zuckerberg to send him a message, there's still no way to pay him to read it.

But Facebook doesn't see this as a problem.

"In fact, that's the core functionality of the feature," Stewart said, winking. "We're charging users to communicate with a void. And as you know, voids have no marginal costs."

Wall Street showed its support for the new strategy this week by pushing Facebook's stock back over $30. And analysts are already speculating on the feature's next iteration.

"A premium charge for leaving Zuckerberg voicemails he never listens to would be the obvious next step," said one analyst.

"Or a mid-range charge for yelling into the wind."

No Comments

The next post you should read

Check out these related posts
How to Optimize Your Facebook Marketing for SEO

How to Optimize Your Facebook Marketing for SEO

Looking to boost your Facebook visibility? Here are the most effective ways to optimize your Facebook marketing for SEO, search and social media.

Shane Barker Shane Barker

Social Media Tips Facebook

WARNING: Here's What Facebook Would Look Like WITHOUT the Algorithm

WARNING: Here's What Facebook Would Look Like WITHOUT the Algorithm

Ever wonder what Facebook would look like if you removed the news feed algorithm? I do. And here's my best guess. (WARNING: it's not pretty!)

Aaron Lee Aaron Lee

Social Media News Facebook

22 Instagram Stats That Might Make Your Brain POP Out!

22 Instagram Stats That Might Make Your Brain POP Out!

Are you fully aware of the growth that's happening at Instagram right now? You should be! Here are 22 crazy Instagram stats that might just blow your mind.

Aaron Lee Aaron Lee

Social Media News Instagram

Post Planner - Kim Garst

I would have to pay tens of thousands of dollars in advertising costs to achieve the same results I get with Post Planner.

Kim Garst Boom! Social
Try it yourself
Post Planner

Solving social marketing